Behind Green Eyes [Turkey]

[[x] Spain]

Everything seemed overwhelming to Spain.

Working. Training. Cleaning. Cooking. Gardening.

Pretending to be fine.

Really, he was sick of it. He knew he had to keep a happy, optimistic front because no one else would. It was what they needed; a warm beam of light in the cold, dark world they were in.

But even he needed a break. It was hard to pretend to not be exhausted and pretend to be fine. He could usually handle it, but this was becoming unbearable. All he wanted to do was curl up on a corner somewhere and just sleep.

But even he couldn't do that. He had to stay moving, stay active and stay alert, or something could go wrong at any moment.

The others would start to worry, a zombie attack could happen, someone could get hurt and he'd be there to comfort them as always.

Sometimes though, he wanted to be the one comforted.

His unusually serious thoughts carried him to the surprisingly empty couch of the common room, where he looked around once, twice, three times.

Yep, he was alone.

Finally. He thought, flopping down on the couch, throwing an arm over his eyes. Hopefully no one will come by... To have anyone see him in this weakened state would be a tremendous blow to his pride and reputation, especially if it was someone like America.

But if it was someone he was close to... maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

[Turkey]

Yawning lightly, Sadik headed into the common room to give himself a small break after being in the clinic for a bit longer than usual. He had yet to see one particular person though and rubbed his chin thoughtfully as he strode into the common room quietly, heading for one of the cushioned chair to plop himself down into. They were always comfortable, and well cleaned, so they were perfect for the Turk when he needed those few moments to relax. He couldn't help pausing when he spied Antonio though and stood in the middle of the room, eyeing him for a moment. The other seemed to be asleep.

"Antonio?" he questioned, trying not to stare too much since it was rude. "Are ya sleepin'? /In here/?"

[[x] Spain]

Great, great, great, great.

Absolutely fantastic.

Spain cracked one green eye open, shaking his head and sitting up, faking a smile.

Again.

"Nope~ Just taking a quick break before I get back to work~" As per usual, he tried to pretend that his heart didn't jump up to the ceiling in surprise when someone caught him like that. "I can't rest just yet, after all~"

Although he tried to seem wide awake, a small yawn betrayed him.

[Turkey]

"Ya dun't have ta lie about bein' tired ya know. I wun't tell if ya are. I mean, I need a break myself. Dun't tell anyone 'm in here though--unless it's an emergency, I mean. Heh." He rubbed his face lightly and moved to take a seat in his preferred chair, still eyeing the Spaniard. "If ya need rest, ya really should be gettin' it. We need ya rested an' up on yer game, after all."

[[x] Spain]

All color and expression drained off of Spain's face.

No one EVER called him out on being tired.

EV-ER.

"Ah..." He shook his head, smiling again. He couldn't believe he nearly broke like that! He was much stronger than to stoop that low. "I'm not that tired~ I'm fine, really!" An inner voice called him out on his bluff again, telling him he was only fooling himself. Sadik was a trained medic, of course he could tell. And he'd known him for a long time, so he'd probably be able to tell like any of his really close friends would.

"Again, I just needed a quick break~" He waved aside the issue at hand and tried to change the topic. "But thank you for your concern~"

As false as his words were, he needed a comforting shield. It didn't matter if all he wanted to do was scream and cry, he had to stay strong for everyone.

[Turkey]

Ah--see, he had been right after all. Antonio's expression easily told the truth. "I can tell easily, so it doesn't make sense ta continue ta lie ta me, Spain. I thought we had better relations than that. 'M here ta help, an' it's not like 'm gonna tell anyone else about what's gonna on wit ya." Sadik frowned, not willing to let the situation go. "We're friends, right? No--ya need rest. Ya need some time ta be weak for a little while. Foolin' yerself won't help ya."

[[x] Spain]

[Just switching up the formatting so it's a bit easier to read~]

Why had he been cursed - or maybe blessed - with someone who could notice and HAD noticed all the little details about him? Maybe Sadik was right... maybe he should tell the truth. It wouldn't do him much good to keep up his act, not when he was so clearly nearly having a mental breakdown.

Spain swallowed dryly, giving up and flopping back onto the couch, his worried and tired expression no longer hidden from the world. "It's not so much that I'm physically tired; I'm mentally and emotionally drained. I don't do well with external stresses and this whole environment in general is taxing me and my ability to stay calm and cheerful. It's hard, SO fucking hard, to be the one that comforts others and gives everyone reason to hope... but dammit, sometimes I want some comfort and hope, too." His uncharacteristic frown deepened the more he ranted and he could slowly feel himself tearing up no matter how hard he tried to prevent it. "It's incredibly difficult to say the least, being that ray of sunshine. Not everything is rainbows and butterflies and oblivious happiness with me. I'm not an idiot; I know how hopeless our situation seems but at least I try. And even now, trying isn't enough because I have my limits too. But everyone still expects me to be optimistic and hopeful so I can't break down in front of them no matter how much I want to scream and cry which I NEVER do nor can afford to do." A wave of shame hit him like a hurricane and he covered his eyes, apologizing quietly. "I've held and comforted so many nations since arriving here... but where's someone to hold me when I need some comfort?"

[Turkey]

[ Okay. c: ]

The Turk was pleased to see that Antonio had stopped the fake front he had been keeping up, and now, with his honesty, they would get somewhere. Hopefully, he would be able to help the brunet in time as he didn't know if the other was at his breaking point or not.

Sadik moved to closed the door behind himself while the brunet had moved to flop back down upon the couch and headed towards the Spaniard when he began to hear the tale-tell emotional tone that hinted at tears. He swallowed lightly, one who was always uncomfortable with seeing other people crying. Deciding to kneel next to the brunet, he moved to lay a hand on the Spaniard's forehead in an attempt to give a little comfort and ran it through his hair lightly, a little embarrassed by doing this. "If ya want ta be held.. I could hold ya.. as long as ya dun't find it too awkward. I mean, I really want ta help ya Antonio." He gave a soft, somewhat embarrassed smile after speaking.

"Dun't apologize. Yer right. Ya need yer moments ta be weak--ya need yer moments where ya can come ta someone when ya aren't feelin' yer best--when ya can't be tha one that lifts us all up and make us feel better. If ya dun't mind, I want ta try bein' that someone fer ya."

[[x] Spain]

When Antonio felt a warm hand on his forehead that gently started running through his hair, he though he could hear his strength crack a little.

Crack, but not break yet.

What broke his strength and shattered him into a million pieces was the Turk's simple, honest statements. There wasn't any sugarcoating and there wasn't anything false to try and make him feel better.

Just pure, honest statements of wanting to help.

In a blur of motion, he jumped up and half-clung to Sadik, burying his face into his shoulder and just kneeling there, holding to him tightly like they were the only two in the world. He didn't make a single noise, not a single sob, despite the tears that were streaming down his face after being held back for so long. Everything hit him all at once - all the pain and stress and hurt - everything just fell around him.

"I've messed up so much with other people... first Romano not talking to me anymore then Netherlands just leaving me without a word now Prussia's mad at me and England won't let me try and help him and I don't even know where France is and of course my sister just doesn't like me anyway and I'm running out of people who WON'T push me away eventually." His voice, usually strong and cheerful was cracking at the edges and nothing more than a quiet whisper. "Everything I do to help doesn't work no matter how hard I try... I feel worthless, ashamed and pathetic. I've already had not one but two violent breakdowns and was really close to a third... I'm practically a ticking time bomb most of the time but no one notices which makes me feel even worse." He tightened his grip around the other, feeling surprisingly at ease in his arms. "I'm just lucky I haven't seriously hurt someone... I came close though, but still..."

[Turkey]

Sadik immediately wrapped his arms around the other man, holding him close as he began to feel wetness against his lab coat. "Shh. Shh. Let's not worry about that now." Moving one hand up, he began to stroke the brunet's hair softly, trying to keep a smile upon his face as he filed away the other's words for later.

"Right now, this is about ya, an' what ya need--no one else, alright? Yer not worthless. Yer not pathetic. Ya have nothin' ta be ashamed off. Ya've only been tryin' ta to yer best for everyone here, but ya can only take so much. ...I've been noticin' somethin' fer a small while now, ya know, but I haven't said anythin'. I was hopin' ya'd come ta me, but since ya haven't, I was thinkin' that maybe ya were dealin' wit it, but as it turns out, ya aren't. I wun't let ya get ta that point Antonio."

[[x] Spain]

Each word said to him made him cry a little less. Every word of support stopped another tear until he wasn't crying anymore. He just knelt there in silence, holding onto him like he'd die if he let go. He couldn't stand on his own, never could anyway. He always acted like it but deep down he wanted someone to do exactly this: just hold him. He didn't even have to say anything; just simply wrapping his arms around him was good enough for the Spaniard.

"Thank you..." He muttered finally, unable to find the strength to say it louder. He was broken, almost beyond repair, but someone - someone - didn't mind if he was weak. "Sorry for worrying you, Sadik... I'm not normally this bad..." He couldn't help apologizing again, and if he could, he would've just apologized over and over and over again, but he bit his tongue, just wrapping it up in one statement. "Sorry for everything..."

[Turkey]

"Yer welcome Antonio," came the reply, glad that the brunet had finally stopped crying; he hugged the other man just a little tighter, mostly keeping silent since the Turk enjoyed peaceful moments when he could get them. He couldn't help but speak out when the Spaniard began apologizing to him. He didn't need to do that. "Ya dun't need ta apologize. Ya haven't done anythin' wrong. Everythin' will be fine wit time, Antonio. Dun't worry, an' 'm not worried. I'll help ya."

Moving a hand, he rubbed his back slowly, glad to be able to help someone in need--especially Antonio.

[[x] Spain]

Spain nodded, feeling a little better now that he had pretty much everything off his chest. Sure, he still had his secrets to hide, but those he was better at dealing with than immediate problems. He pulled back, wiping his puffy, red eyes. "Thank you... Really." He managed a half-smile, showing that he was alright and (somewhat) stable now. "I can't even remember the last time I let go like that... Must've been centuries ago. Ay, it's been so long... Seems like I've been doing nothing but bottling it up since then." Even though he said that, a few more tears dripped and he cursed under his breath, quickly wiping them away before the other could see. He had to stop crying. What happened to all of his strength? Did it just blow away in the wind or melt with the snows? He didn't know; all he knew was that for once, he had a shoulder to cry on and someone that wouldn't push him away for being weak.

[Turkey]

"Yer welcome Antonio," Sadik replied, watching the other man carefully. Who knew when he'd have another breakdown? This wasn't over--not by a long shot in the Turk's mind. Maybe the brunet would feel a little better next time, but it was possibly that he'd want to be comforted again. "Piece of advice: Ya shouldn't bottle stuff like that up since it usually explodes outta ya in the worse ways. Yer lucky ya didn't get ta that point." He frowned at seeing a tiny glimpse of more tears, but the Spaniard turned quickly and wiped them away. Sighing, he gently rested a hand on the other man's arm and smiled a little. If not for tears, why else could he be wiping at his eyes? "Ya dun't have ta look away like that. It's alright ta cry, ya know. It's just another way ta let out yer frustration. I dun't mind seein' tears..."

[[x] Spain]

Antonio nodded, only half-listening to what Sadik was saying. He knew that he shouldn't bottle things up; it really only made things worse. But he felt that he didn't have any other choice. He wasn't too keen on venting or crying or letting go. In reality, he didn't think he knew how. "Mhm... I know... I just... I'm not used to venting on a normal basis." the Spaniard finally muttered, looking back at him. "Never have, and I don't know if I ever will." He was - for some reason - very, very comforted by the hand on his arm, even though he wanted to be hugged again. And to his surprise, he almost want to burst out into tears again when he was told it was alright to. In all his many, many years and centuries and decades of living and surviving, he couldn't recall a single time was told that it was alright to cry.

Somehow, Sadik knew everything he wanted to be told, even without knowing him as long as some nations had. He said it in such a way too, that Spain no longer felt the need to hide or run away like he normally did when put in such a situation. He wasn't feeling threatened or guilty for opening up and being weak. For some reason, he felt a little bit stronger. "You really don't?" Anton ventured quietly, still wiping at his eyes with the edge of his palm to try and somewhat contain the newer tears. "You're one of the few people I've met that doesn't mind it... when I cry, I mean." And by few he actually meant three: his mother and France being the other two. "Guess you're special, huh?" His voice held genuine traces of his normal cheerfulness, even if he was still tearing up.